“I feel like I have almost always felt like an outsider in Jewish spaces. And then when I’m around people that are not Jewish I also feel like a stranger.”
We are met with a false standard from the world around us of what we should look like (No blond hair!) and what we should be like (No eating pork! Know the holiday liturgy by heart!). But the Jewish world also contributes to our alienation by constantly questioning the validity of our belonging, right up to the door of the synagogues. Will we be turned away? Will we be accused of being impostors? Do we have the right parents or grandparents? Can we prove that with paperwork?
It’s as though being a Jew is a binary: Keep all the rules of halachaHalacha means path, just as sharia (Arabic) in Islam does. It refers to a set of guidelines for observance and includes things like the laws of kashruth (kosher) - what we can and cannot eat. These laws are codified, yet in flux, continually updated and adjudicated. Perhaps that’s why we use the term “path”. It reminds us that the way gets deeper and more marked with wear, can fork and loop, and new ways can be added over time. More or none of them. Have the right kind of Jewish lineage or nothing. Keep all the holidays or none of them.
These demands for purity – whether spoken or not – lead to fragility, loneliness, and isolation. We are made to feel like impostors in our own tradition. But this cannot stand. We claim our Jewishness and reject the notion that there is only one way of being Jewish.
None of us should have to give a disclaimer when claiming Jewishness.
We are all Jewish enough. Patrilineal Jews, secular Jews, Jews of color, orthodox Jews, LGBTQIA+ Jews, Jews by choice, and all other Jews are Jews.
Jewishness is not kept by experts or institutions but passed through them. They should be catalysts rather than gatekeepers.
Our traditions and affiliations are fluid and messy. And while the borders of who is and who is not a Jew may seem well-guarded at times, the fact that we exist to this very day means that there is always a way through them.
“When me and my mother were joking about my husband converting I said: To what? Secular Judaism? How many bagels should one eat to become Jewish?”